You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
