I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
