Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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