They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
