Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
