took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
