Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
