Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
