You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i think my mom watched the whole time
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
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