I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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