If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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