If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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