So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
