and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
