I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
