Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Randomize
