Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
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You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
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I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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