I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
