Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
