im about as happy as oj after his trial
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
