Sponge bath it is.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
