so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
