The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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