things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
