speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
