Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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