hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
