perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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