i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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