No awkward lesbian experiences without me
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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