I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
