Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Randomize
