i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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