Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
