I'm going to jail i love you
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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