oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
