im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
