I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
