yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
