Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I just forgot I was standing up.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
