There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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