he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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