Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Randomize
