chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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