This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
