Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
BRING THE BAGELS
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
