No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
