As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
