and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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