I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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