Need sex. Gaining weight.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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