Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
