Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
