Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize