What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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