Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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