We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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