he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
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