It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
