two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
