do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
