is your mom at the bar?
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
