i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
