Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
