$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
