I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
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She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
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I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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