Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
His nipple licking is glorious
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