I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
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He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
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I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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