So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
