I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Pants are for mortals
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
