They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
