Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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