The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
