she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
