I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
