Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
